<$BlogRSDURL$> Spontaneous Things: Karina Sumner-Smith's Blog
Sunday, May 04, 2003
Sweetness x 2

Are you listening? Woah...

Have pecked away at "A Last Taste of Sweetness" off and on today. I wonder if I'm improving words, or merely changing them. Sometimes you know that what you're writing is good. Other times, it feels impossible to tell. It could go either way, and you won't know which way it's falling until you see the expression on your first reader's face.

Stumble 'til you crawl, woah...

Still, I find it interesting that this is what I'm writing. The thing that characterized my last two stories before my unplanned break from writing was avoidance, silence, things that remain unspoken. I was trying to imply more than I said, and the earth-shattering events were in the past, only echoes and reverberations entering into the story.

I wondered if this was progress, or avoidance.

Tell me what do I need (woah, woah) when words lose their meaning...

Now, I wonder if it matters. I'm trying to find new words, not ones I've written before. And yet, sometimes when things are hard it seems better to analyze why, to poke and prod and worry about the cause and the catalyst rather than trying to change things.

Echoes and reverberations. Avoidance. How it all falls into place.

I'm still running away, woah...

And this is what I've been avoiding saying, avoiding even admitting to myself. Why haven't I been writing? Because I've been afraid. No, more than that. Terrified.

Facing that fear is the most frightening thing of all.

If you're listening, are you listening?

Can I say that things are suddenly different with "Sweetness" now written? No. I'd merely be lying to myself. But I can feel the potential there, hidden and shrouded, but there. Something to be earned.

Sweetness. How shockingly appropriate.

(With thanks to Jimmy Eat World.)

Posted by Karina Sumner-Smith at 12:41 AM


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