It looks as if I didn't update at all last week. This is only partially true. Every entry that I wrote I deleted shortly thereafter--or didn't upload until my common sense kicked in. Besides, I'm not sure how interesting people find my job, anyway. I'm not sure how interesting I
find my job ... and that, I think, is part of the problem.
Lots of things have been going on here--lots of big, important projects, lots of meetings, lots of confidential information that I'm not supposed to talk about--and I've been feeling sort of ... meh. I can do this work, and better yet, I can do it well. And that I have a job that requires me to sit in a well-lit room with a lot of quiet and solitude, writing and researching various projects some days seems well-nigh miraculous. But ... employability skills? [content omitted for reasons of confidentiality]? Sigh. And to make matters worse, sometimes it seems that for all the deadlines and meetings, nothing actually happens
. Going from concept to reality is so ... very ... slow ...
And as the days go on I just care less and less. This is not good. This is what usually happened to me at the end of a school term when my brain was just a week or two away from rebelling totally and shutting down.
Part of the problem, I think, is that I haven't had a real break in far too long. (I remind myself to not be such a whiner, as I'm not in a situation like Sarah, who has three jobs ... but still.) Christmas, to be exact. The weeks that I had between the end of classes and the beginning of work were still filled with final research papers and a long string of illnesses. I did not find lying around for a with a high fever relaxing, and though entertaining, research papers are still work. I have been trying to get every last bit of goodness out of each weekend, and long weekends seem like a gift, but Monday always arrives far too soon.
I'm also very aware that I have not been to my cottage at all this year, that I have been swimming only once (and that was in an indoor hotel pool), and that it is already August
. There's no way that I can have any time off in the next two weeks, and probably not the week after that. But maybe the beginning of September...? Oh, how I hope.
Of course, I act as if I still have a job in September, and nothing is for sure. My contract ends at the end of August. I am told that they'd like to keep me longer, but at this point it's still only talk. The wisest thing to do, I think, is to be open and looking for a new job, new opportunities, and take things as they come. And stop blogging at work.
See? I should just delete this, too.