I realized I haven't said this publicly, and please excuse the egotism inherent in this thought, but really, I should. I'm happy right now. More so, I think, than I have been in a long time.
I've said that the trip I took in August was amazing. I don't really feel right calling it a vacation, because it was so much more than that. It made me feel connected, inspired. I walked around for three weeks constantly amazed and overjoyed and just so overwhelmingly happy with the places I was going, the things I was seeing, and the people with whom I was spending my time. I came home jetlagged, yes, but also feeling so full of energy that I didn't know what to do with it all. And things just started happening.
Right now, I'm doing what I love. And not just writing, though of course I mean that. I have two fiction projects on the go: a science fiction story (with a deadline) that's currently called "Harbinger" -- a story that's creepy, mysterious and requiring more research to pull off than I ever thought I'd need to do -- and the novel. A novel that I love, with a story that makes me smile just to think about. I'm also doing things with wool: a scarf that Carly requested, and a very large crochet project that's a gift for an unnamed person. I've designed a logo. I'm thinking about painting again.
And then there's Stellar Magpie. Sarah and I haven't really said much publicly about our Great Plan, and I suppose we should at some point, but in short I've been learning to make jewelry over the last few weeks. Very simple things at first -- adding beads to headpins on pre-formed pieces and the like -- but branching out as I go. I'm learning to knit and weave wire, and am picking up a few basic chainmail weaves. I created an earring style this afternoon that I'm calling a Byzantine Tear -- a bit of Byzantine chainmail knotwork made from 5mm rings, from which hangs a deep blue teardrop glass bead. Very simple, and yet beautiful.
There's more, too. So much more. The key thing, though, is that I'm being creative. Not just in one particular way, and not in scraps of time, but with my whole self. I'm working on a whole variety of different creative pursuits that engage different aspects of my brain, and am doing it on a very flexible schedule. I'm getting enough sleep, and trying to eat better foods.
And the thing is, I feel like me. I feel more myself in a very whole and grounded sort of way than I think I can ever remember feeling for more than a day or two at a time. It's an amazing thing to strip away the stress and the worry and the pointless demands and all the rest and see what's left behind. I think I'm a better person. And I think it's apparent to those around me, too; I can't quite count the number of times I've been told since I returned home in August how great I'm looking, how happy, how alive.
That's how I feel.